Of
wicked understanding as I am, now after the lapse of five and ten years,
I am seeking to expiate my sins. Now at the fourth division of the day or
sometimes at the eighth division, with the regularity of a vow, I eat a
little food for simply conquering my thirst. Gandhari knows this. All my
attendants are under the impression that I eat as usual. Through fear of
Yudhishthira alone I concealed my acts, for if the eldest son of Pandu
came to know of my vow, he would feel great pain. Clad in deer-skin, I
lie down on the Earth, spreading a small quantity of Kusa grass, and pass
the time in silent recitations. Gandhari of great fame passes her time in
the observance of similar vows. Even thus do we both behave, we that have
lost a century of gong none of whom even retreated from battle. I do not,
however, grieve for those children of mine. They have all died in the
observance of Kshatriya duties.' Having said these words, the old king
then addressed Yudhishthira in particular and said, 'Blessed be thou, O
son of the princess of Yadu's race. Listen now to what I say. Cherished
by thee, O son, I have lived these years very happily. I have (with thy
help) made large gifts and performed Sraddhas repeatedly.[3] I have, O
son, to the best of my power, achieved merit largely. This Gandhari,
though destitute of sons, has lived with great fortitude, looking all the
while at me.
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