I did
not reason on the subject, alas! I was only eight or nine years
old; but I felt this antipathy in every fibre of my being. The
others knew it too; and, in revenge, they ironically styled me
'the lady,' and left me severely alone. But sometimes, during
playtime, when the good sisters' backs were turned, the children
attacked me, beat me, and scratched my face and tore my clothes.
I endured these onslaughts uncomplainingly, for I was conscious
that I deserved them. But how many reprimands my torn clothes
cost me! How many times I received only a dry crust for my supper,
after being soundly scolded and called 'little careless.' But as I
was quiet, studious, and industrious, a quicker learner than the
majority of my companions, the sisters were fond of me. They said
that I was a promising girl, and that they would have no
difficulty in finding me a nice home with some of the rich and
pious ladies who have a share in managing institutions of this
kind. The only fault the sisters found with me was that I was
sullen. But such was not really the case; I was only sad and
resigned. Everything around me so depressed and saddened me that
I withdrew into myself, and buried all my thoughts and aspirations
deep in my heart. If I had naturally been a bad child, I scarcely
know what would have been the result of this. I have often asked
myself the question in all sincerity, but I have been unable to
reply, for one cannot be an impartial judge respecting one's self.
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