'I will stand be me counthry,' he says, 'close,' he says. 'If it
falls,' he says, 'it will fall on me,' he says. An' he buys himsilf a
map made be a fortune teller in a dhream, a box iv pencils an' a field
glass, an' goes an' looks f'r a job as a war expert. Says th' editor iv
th' pa-aper: 'I don't know ye. Ye must be a war expert,' he says. 'I
am,' says th' la-ad. 'Was ye iver in a war?' says th' editor. 'I've been
in nawthin' else,' says th' la-ad. 'Durin' th' Spanish-American War, I
held a good job as a dhramatic critic in Dedham, Matsachoosets,' he
says. 'Whin th' bullets flew thickest in th' Soodan I was spoortin'
editor iv th' Christyan Advocate,' he says. 'I passed through th'
Franco-Prooshan War an' held me place, an' whin th' Turks an' Rooshans
was at each other's throats, I used to lay out th' campaign ivry day on
a checker board,' he says. 'War,' he says, has no turrors f'r me,' he
says. 'Ye're th man f'r th' money,' says th' editor. An' he gets th'
job."
"Thin th' war breaks out in earnest. No matther how manny is kilt,
annything that happens befure th' war expert gets to wurruk is on'y what
we might call a prelimin'ry skirmish. He sets down an' bites th' end iv
his pencil an' looks acrost th' sthreet an' watches a man paintin' a
sign.
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