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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

'England's greatness is slippin' away. Th' failure iv th'
gover'mint to provide a well-equipped, thurly pathriotic ar-rmy iv Boers
to carry on this war undher th' leadership iv gallant Joobert is goin'
to be our roonation. We ar-re bethrayed be a lazy, effete, side-
whiskered, golf-playin' gover'mint that wud rather lose this fight thin
win it because they ar-re tired iv holdin' office. What can be said f'r
public men so lost to shame that they spell Kopje with a "c" an' ar-re
sindin' Englishmen to th' ends iv th' wurruld to fight f'r England? Down
with thim!'"
"Well sir, 'tis a gr-reat thing f'r a counthry to have th' likes iv thim
ar-round to direct manoovers that'd be gatherin' dust on th' shelf if
th' gin'rals had their say, an' to prove to th' wurruld that th' English
ar-re not frivolous, excitable people like us an' th' Frinch, but can
take a batin' without losin' their heads."
"Sure," said Mr. Hennessy, "tis not thim that does th' fightin'. Th' la-
ads with th' guns has that job."
"Well," said Mr. Dooley, "they'se two kinds iv fightin'. Th' experts
wants th' ar-rmy to get into Pretoria dead or alive, an' th' sojers
wants to get in alive. I'm no military expert, Hinnissy. I'm too well
known. But I have me own opinyon on th' war.


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