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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

In th' sinit, bein' a modest child, he rayfused to speak f'r five
minyits, but was fin'lly injooced f'r to make a few thousan' remarks on
wan iv th' subjects now much discussed by orators whin th' dures ar-re
closed an' th' fire escapes broken."
"His subject was th' Ph'lippeens, an' he said he'd just come fr'm there.
'I have cruised,' he says, 'f 'r two thousan' miles through th' Ar-rchey
Pelago--that's a funny name--ivry minyit a surprise an' delight to those
that see me,' he says. 'I see corn growin' on banana threes; I see th'
gloryous heights iv Ding Dong that ar-re irradyatin'. civilization like
quills upon th' fretful porcypine,' he says. 'I see rice, coffee, rolls,
cocoanuts, choice seegars, oats, hay, hard and soft coal, an' Gen'ral
Otis--an' there's a man that I rayspict,' he says. 'I see flowers
bloomin' that was superyor to anny conservatory in Poolasky county,' he
says. 'I see th' low and vicious inhabitants iv th' counthry soon, I
thrust, to be me fellow-citizens, an' as I set there an' watched th' sea
rollin' up its uncounted millyons iv feet iv blue wather, an' th' stars
sparklin' like lamp-posts we pass in th' night, as I see th' mountains
raisin' their snow-capped heads f'r to salute th' sun, while their feet
extinded almost to th' place where I shtud; whin I see all th' glories
iv that almost, I may say, thropical clime, an' thought what a good
place this wud be f'r to ship base-burnin' parlor stoves, an' men's
shirtings to th' accursed natives iv neighborin' Chiny, I says to
mesilf, 'This is no mere man's wurruk.


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