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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

' He used to play a dollar on th' horses or
sivin-up f'r th' dhrinks, but afther he met Jawn he wanted me to put in
a ticker, an' he wud set in here figurin' with a piece iv chalk on how
high Wire'd go if hoopskirts come into fashion again. 'Give me a dhrop
iv whisky,' he says, 'f'r I'm inthrested in Distillers,' he says, 'an'
I'd like to give it a shove,' he says. 'How's Gas?' he says. 'A little
weak, to-day,'" says I.
"Twill be sthronger,' he says. 'If it ain't,' says I, 'I'll take out th'
meter an' connect th' pipe with th' ventilator. I might as well bur-rn
th' wind free as buy it,'" I says.
"A couple iv weeks ago he see Jawn an' they had a long talk about it.
'Cassidy,' says Jawn, 'ye've been a good frind iv mine,' he says, 'an'
I'd do annything in the wurruld f'r ye, no matther what it cost ye,' he
says. 'If ye need a little money to tide over th' har-rd times till th'
ligislachure meets again buy'--an' he whispered in Cassidy's ear. 'But,'
he says,'don't tell annywan. 'Tis a good thing, but I want to keep it
bottled up,'" he says.
"Thin Jawn took th' thrain an' begun confidin' his secret to a few
select frinds. He give it to th' conductor on th' thrain, an' th'
porther, an' th' candy butcher; he handed it to a switchman that got on
th' platform at South Bend, an' he stopped off at Detroit long enough to
tell about it to the deepo' policeman.


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