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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

If he knew annything about it he
wouldn't do it. So be Cousin George. Afther he'd been over here awhile
an' got so 'twas safe f'r him to go out without bein' torn to pieces f'r
soovenirs or lynched be a mob, he took a look ar-round him an' says he
to a polisman: 'What's th' governmint iv this counthry"?' 'Tis a
raypublic,' says th' polisman. 'What's th' main guy called?' says
George. 'He's called prisidint,' says th' polisman. 'Is it a good job?'
says Cousin George. ''Tis betther thin thravelin' beat,' says th' bull.
'What's th' la-ad's name that's holdin' it now?' says Cousin George.
'Mack,' says th' cop. 'Irish?' says George. 'Cross,' says th' elbow.
'Where fr'm?' says George. 'Ohio,' says the peeler. 'Where's that?'
says George. 'I dinnaw,' says th' bull. An' they parted th' best iv
frinds."
"'Well,' says George to himsilf, 'I guess I'll have to go up an' have a
look at this la-ad's place,' he says, 'an' if it looks good,' he says,
'p'raps I cud nail it,' he says. An' he goes up an' sees Mack dictatin'
his Porther Rickyan policy to a kinetoscope, an' it looks like a nice
employmint f'r a spry man, an' he goes back home an' sinds f'r a
rayporther, an' says he: 'I always believe since I got home in dealin'
frankly with th' press.


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