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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

Did McKinley Iver Lose His?' An' George'll wake up
th' mornin' afther iliction an' he'll have a sore head an' a sorer
heart, an' he'll find that th' on'y support he got was fr'm th' goold
dimmycratic party, an' th' chances ar-re he caught cold fr'm goin' out
without his shawl an' cudden't vote. He'll find that a man can be r-
right an' be prisidint, but he can't be both at th' same time. An' he'll
go down to breakfast an' issue Gin'ral Ordher Number Wan, 'To All
Superyor Officers Commandin' Admirals iv th' United States navy at home
or on foreign service: If anny man mintions an admiral f'r prisidint,
hit him in th' eye an' charge same to me.' An' thin he'll go to his
office an' prepare a plan f'r to capture Dublin, th' capital iv England,
whin th' nex' war begins. An' he'll spind th' r-rest iv his life thryin'
to live down th' time he was a candydate."
"Well, be hivins, I think if Dewey says he's a dimmycrat an' Joyce is
with him, I'll give him a vote," said Mr. Hennessy. "It's no sin to be a
candydate f'r prisidint."
"No," said Mr. Dooley. "Tis sometimes a misfortune an' sometimes a joke.
But I hope ye won't vote f'r him. He might be ilicted if ye did. I'd
like to raymimber him, an' it might be I cudden't if he got th' job.


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