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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

Surroundin' him was Major
Bullseye, a well-known lawyer, cattle-raiser an' journalist iv Athens,
Bulger County, whose desthruction iv Captain Cassius Glaucus Wiggins at
th' meetin' iv' th' thrustees in th' Sicond Baptist Church excited so
much comment among spoortin' men three or four years ago, Gin'ral
Rangefinder iv Thebes, Colonel Chivvy iv Sparta, who whittled Major
Lycurgus Gam iv Thermopylae down to th' wishbone at th' anti-polygamist
meetin' las' June, an' other well-known gintlemen."
"Th' party was suddenly confronted be Major Lyddite iv Carthage an' a
party iv frinds who were in town for th' purpose iv protectin' th'
suffrage again' anny pollution but their own. Colonel Derringer an'
Major Lyddite had been inimies f'r sivral months, iver since Major
Lyddite in an attimpt to desthroy wan iv his fellow-citizens killed a
cow belongin' to th' janial Colonel. Th' two gintlemen had sworn f'r to
slay each other at sight or thirty days, an' all Kentucky society has
been on what Hogan calls th' _quee veev_ or look-out f'r another
thrajeedy to be added to th' long list iv sim'lar ivints that marks th'
histhry iv th' Dark an' Bloody Groun'--which is a name given to Kentucky
be her affectionate sons."
[Illustration]

"Without a wur-rud or a bow both gintlemen dhrew on each other an'
begun a deadly fusillade.


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