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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

Th' gun fighter,
Hinnissy, tin to wan is a cow'rd."
"That's so," said Mr. Hennessy. "But it don't do to take anny chances
on."
"No," said Mr. Dooley, "he might be dhrunk."


A SOCIETY SCANDAL

"Well, sir, I guess I'm not up on etiket," said Mr. Dooley.
"How's that?" demanded Mr. Hennessy.
"I've been readin' about Willum Waldorf Asthor," replied Mr. Dooley,
"an' th' throuble he had with a la-ad that bummed his way into his
party. Ye see, Hinnissy, Willum Waldorf Asthor give a party at his large
an' commodjious house in London. That's where he lives--in London--
though he r-runs a hotel in New York, where ye can see half th' state iv
Ioway near anny night, they tell me. Well, he give this party on a gran'
scale, an' bought gr-reat slathers iv food an' dhrink, an' invited th'
neighbors an' the neighbors' childher. But wan man he wudden't have.
He's goin' over th' list iv th' people that's to come, an' he says to
his sicrety: 'Scratch that boy. Him an' me bump as we pass by.' He
didn't want this fellow, ye see, Hinnissy. I don't know why. They was
dissatisfaction between thim; annyhow, he says: 'Scratch him,' an' he
was out iv it."
"Well, wan night, th' fellow was settin' down f'r a bite to eat with
Lady O----, an' Lady S----, an' Lady G----, an' Lady Y----, an' other
ladies that had lost their names, an' says wan iv thim, 'Cap,' she says,
'ar-re ye goin' to Asthor's doin's tonight?' she says.


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