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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

'Yes,' he says.
'No, I mean th' wan that lammed me with his cane,' he says. 'If it
hadn't been,' he says, 'that we're united,' he says, 'be a common
pathrimony,' he says, 'I'd've had his life,' he says. 'Ye wud so,' says
I, 'an' ye're r-right,' I says. 'If all th' la-ads enthered into th' r-
races with th' same spirit ye show now,' I says, 'th' English flag'd be
dhroopin' fr'm th' staff, an' Cyrus Bodley iv Wadham, Mass.,'d be
paintin' th' stars an' sthripes on th' Nelson monnymint,' I says. 'Whin
we hated th' English,' I says, 'an' a yacht r-race was li'ble to end in
a war message fr'm the prisidint, we used to bate thim,' I says. 'Now,'
says I, 'whin we're afraid to injure their feelin's,' I says, 'an' whin
we 'pologise befure we punch, they bate us,' I says. 'They're used to
'pologisin' with wan hand an' punchin' with th' other,' I says. 'Th'
on'y way is th' way iv me cousin Mike,' I says. 'He was a gr-reat
rassler an' whin he had a full Nelson on th' foolish man that wint again
him, he used to say, 'Dear me, am I breakin' ye'er neck, I hope so.'"
"But th' Matsachoosetts man didn't see it that way. An' some time, I
tell ye, Hinnissy, an' Englishman'll put th' shot wan fut further than
wan iv our men th' Lord save us fr'm th' disgrace!--an' th' next day
we'll invade Canada.


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