An' what I'd like to know is
what Thomas Jefferson knew about th' throubles iv ye an' me? Divvle a
wurrud have I to say again' Thomas. He was a good man in his day, though
I don't know that his battin' av'rage 'd be high again' th' pitchin' iv
these times. I have a gr-reat rayspict f'r the sages an' I believe in
namin' sthreets an' public schools afther thim. But suppose Thomas
Jefferson was to come back here now an' say to himsilf: 'They'se a good
dimmycrat up in Ar-rchy road an' I think I'll dhrop in on him an' talk
over th' issues iv th' day.' Well, maybe he cud r-ride his old gray mare
up an' not be kilt be the throlley cars, an' maybe th' la-ads'd think he
was crazy an' not murdher him f'r his clothes. An' maybe they wudden't.
But annyhow, suppose he got here, an' afther he'd fumbled ar-round at
th' latch--f'r they had sthrings on th' dure in thim days--I let him in.
Well, whin I've injooced him to take a bowl iv red liquor--f'r in his
time th' dhrink was white--an' explained how th' seltzer comes out an'
th' cash raygisther wurruks, an' wather is dhrawn fr'm th' fassit, an'
gas is lighted fr'm th' burner, an' got him so he wud not bump his head
again' th' ceilin' ivry time th' beer pump threw a fit--afther that we'd
talk iv the pollytical situation.
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