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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

'I do not,' says Thomas
Jefferson. 'Thin,' says I, 'don't presume to advise me,' I says, 'that
knows these things an' manny more,' I says. 'An' whin ye go back where
ye come fr'm an' set down with th' rest iv th' sages to wondher whether
a man cud possibly go fr'm Richmond to Boston in a week, tell thim,' I
says, 'that in their day they r-run a corner grocery an' to-day,' says
I, 'we're op'ratin' a sixteen-story department store an' puttin' in
ivrything fr'm an electhric lightin' plant to a set iv false teeth,' I
says. An' I hist him on his horse an' ask a polisman to show him th' way
home."
"Be hivins, Hinnissy, I want me advice up-to-date, an' whin Mack an'
Willum Jennings tells me what George Wash'nton an' Thomas Jefferson
said, I says to thim: 'Gintlemen, they larned their thrade befure th'
days iv open plumbin',' I says. 'Tell us what is wanted ye'ersilf or
call in a journeyman who's wurrukin' card is dated this cinchry,' I
says. 'An' I'm r-right too, Hinnissy.'"
"Well," said Mr. Hennessy, slowly, "those ol' la-ads was level-headed."
"Thrue f'r ye," said Mr. Dooley. "But undher th' new iliction laws ye
can't vote th' cimitries."


_The_ NEGRO PROBLEM

"What's goin' to happen to th' naygur?" asked Mr. Hennessy.


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