Dooley, "in th' days whin
'twas th' purpose iv th' hero to save th' honest girl from the clutches
iv th' villin in time to go out with him an' have a shell iv beer at th'
Dutchman's downstairs. In th' plays nowadays th' hero is more iv a
villain thin th' villain himsilf. He's th' sort iv a man that we used to
heave pavin' shtones at whin he come out iv th' stage dure iv th'
Halsted Sthreet Opry House. To be a hero ye've first got to be an
Englishman, an' as if that wasn't bad enough ye've got to have committed
as many crimes as th' late H. H. Holmes. If he'd been born in England
he'd be a hero. Ye marry a woman who swears an' dhrinks an' bets on th'
races an' ye quarrel with her. Th' r-rest iv th' play is made up iv hard
cracks be all th' char-ack-ters at each others' morals. This is called
repartee be th' learned, an' Hogan. Repartee is where I say: 'Ye stole a
horse' an' ye say: 'But think iv ye'er wife!' In Ar-rchy r-road 'tis
called disordherly conduct. They'se another play on where a man r-runs
off with a woman that's no betther thin she ought to be. He bates her
an' she marries a burglar. Another wan is about a lady that ates dinner
with a German. He bites her an' she hits him with a cabbage. Thin
they'se a play about an English gintleman iv th' old school who thries
to make a girl write a letter f'r him an' if she don't he'll tell on
her.
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