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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

Lem Stoggins, th' cillybrated antithought
agytator iv Spooten Duyvil to Aggynaldoo in which he calls upon him to
do nawthin' till he hears fr'm th' doc. Th' letther was sint through th'
postal authorities an' as they have established no post-office in
Aggynaldoo's hat they cudden't deliver it an' they opened it. Upon r-
readin' th' letther Horace Plog iv White Horse, Minnesota, has wrote to
Willum Jennings Bryan declarin' that if he (Plog) iver went to th'
Ph'lippeens, which he wud've done but f'r th' way th' oats was sproutin'
in th' stack, an' had been hit with a bullet he'd ixpict th' Coroner to
hold Bryan to th' gran' jury. This was followed be th' publication iv a
letther fr'm Oscar L. Swub iv East Persepalis, Ohio, declarin' that his
sister heerd a cousin iv th' man that wash'd buggies in a livery stable
in Canton say Mack's hired man tol' him Mack'd be hanged befure he'd
withdraw th' ar-rmy fr'm Cuba."
"Oh, I guess th' campaign is doin' as well as cud be ixpicted. I see be
th' raypublican pa-apers that Andhrew Carnegie has come out f'r Bryan
an' has conthributed wan half iv his income or five hundhred millyon
dollars to th' campaign fund. In th' dimmycratic pa-apers I r-read that
Chairman Jim Jones has inthercipted a letther fr'm the Prince iv Wales
to Mack congratulatin' him on his appintmint as gintleman-in-waitin' to
th' queen.


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