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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

'Twas always so with me
an' I think it is so with most men that dies bachelors. Be r-readin' th'
pa-apers ye'd think a bachelor was a man bor-rn with a depraved an'
parvarse hathred iv wan iv our most cherished institootions, an' anti-
expansionist d'ye mind. But'tis no such thing. A bachelor's a man that
wud extind his benificint rule over all th' female wurruld, fr'm th'
snow-capped girls iv Alaska to th' sunny eileens iv th' Passyfic. A
marrid man's a person with a limited affection--a protictionist an'
anti-expansionist, a mugwump, be hivins. 'Tis th' bachelor that's
keepin' alive th' rivrince f'r th' sect.
"Whin I was a young man, ye cud search fr'm wan end iv th' town to th'
other f'r me akel with th' ladies. Ye niver see me in them days, but
'twas me had a rogue's eye an' a leg far beyant th' common r-run iv
props. I cud dance with th' best iv thim, me voice was that sthrong
'twas impossible to hear annywan else whin I sung 'Th' Pretty Maid
Milkin' th' Cow,' an' I was dhressed to kill on Sundahs. 'Twas thin I
bought th' hat ye see me wear at th' picnic. 'Twas 'Good mornin',
Misther Dooley, an' will ye come in an' have a cup iv tay,' an' 'How
d'ye do Misther Dooley, I didn't see ye at mass this mornin',' an'
'Martin, me boy, dhrop in an' take a hand at forty-fives.


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