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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

I like thim
all, dark an' light, large an' small, young an' old, marrid an' single,
widdied an' divorced, an' so I niver marrid annywan. But ye'll find me
photygraft in some albums an' me bills in more thin wan livery stable."
"I think marrid men gets on th' best f'r they have a home an' fam'ly to
lave in th' mornin' an' a home an' fam'ly to go back to at night; that
makes thim wurruk. Some men's domestic throubles dhrives thim to dhrink,
others to labor. Ye r-read about a man becomin' a millyonaire an' ye
think he done it be his own exertions whin 'tis much again little 'twas
th' fear iv comin' home impty handed an' dislike iv stayin' ar-round th'
house all day that made him rich. Misther Standard Ile takes in millyons
in a year but he might be playin' dominoes in an injine house if it
wasn't f'r Mrs. Standard Ile. 'Tis th' thought iv that dear quiet lady
at home, in her white cap with her ca'm motherly face, waitin' patiently
f'r him with a bell-punch that injooces him to put a shtick iv dinnymite
in somebody else's ile well an' bury his securities whin th' assissor
comes ar-round. Near ivry man's property ought to be in wife's name an'
most iv it is.
"But with a bachelor 'tis diff'rent. Ye an' I ar-re settin' here
together an' Clancy dhrops in.


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