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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

Clancy's wife's away an' he's out f'r a
good time an' he comes to me f'r it. A bachelor's f'r th' enjymint of
his marrid frinds' vacations. Whin Clancy's wife's at home an' I go to
see him he r-runs th' pail out in a valise, an' we take our criminal
dhrink in th' woodshed. Well, th' three iv us sits here an' pass th'
dhrink an' sing our songs iv glee till about ilivin o'clock; thin ye
begin to look over ye'er shouldher ivry time ye hear a woman's voice an'
fin'lly ye get up an' yawn an' dhrink ivrything on th' table an' gallop
home. Clancy an' I raysume our argymint on th' Chinese sityation an'
afterwards we carol together me singin' th' chune an' him doin' a razor
edge tinor. Thin he tells me how much he cares f'r me an' proposes to
rassle me an' weeps to think how bad he threats his wife an' begs me
niver to marry, f'r a bachelor's life's th' on'y wan, an' 'tis past two
o'clock whin I hook him on a frindly polisman an' sind him thrippin'--
th' polisman--down th' sthreet. All r-right so far. But in th' mornin'
another story. If Clancy gets home an' finds his wife's rayturned fr'm
th' seaside or th' stock yards, or whereiver'tis she's spint her
vacation, they'se no r-rest f'r him in th' mornin'. His head may sound
in his ears like a automobill an' th' look iv an egg may make his knees
thremble, but he's got to be off to th' blacksmith shop, an' hiven help
his helper that mornin'.


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