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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

All
Paris awaits ye, sire.'"
"'Make th' sleeves a little longer thin this,' says th' boy. 'An' fill
out th' shouldhers. What proof have I?'"
"'Wan or two inside pockets?' says th' tailor. 'Two insides. Hankerchief
pocket? Wan hankerchief. Th' pants is warn much fuller this year. Make
that twinty-eight instid iv twinty-siven,' he says. 'Paris shrieks f'r
ye,' he says.
"'Proof,' says th' la-ad.
"'They've named a perfume afther ye, a shirt waist, a paper collar, a
five cint seegar, a lot iv childer. Nay more, a breakfast dish
christened f'r ye is on ivry lip. Will I forward th' soot collect?' he
says.
"'No, sind th' bill to me mother,' says th' boy. 'An' meet me in th'
park at tin,' he says.
"So 'tis planned to seize th' throne, but it comes to nawthin'."
"Why's that?" asked Mr. Hennessy.
"F'r th' same reason that the Irish rivolution failed, th' polis stopped
it. Th' con-spirators met in th' park an' were nailed be a park
polisman. They didn't run in th' boy, but left him alone in th' place
which was where his father wanst fought a battle. As he shtands there
coughin' he begins to hear voices iv soops that followed th' ol' Impror.
'Comrade' says wan. 'Give me ye'er hand.' 'I can't,' says another. 'I
haven't wan left.


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