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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"

' 'Where's me leg?' 'Sarch me.' 'I've lost me voice.'
'Me mind is shot away.' 'Reach me some wather.' 'Pass th' can.' 'A horse
is settin' on me chest.' 'What's that? They'se a batthry iv artillery on
me.' 'I've broke something. What is it?' 'I cannot move me leg.' 'Curses
on the Cavalry.' 'Have ye got th' time?' 'Oh me knee, how it aches me.'
'Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha.' 'Veev, th' Impror.' 'Right about face,
shouldher ar-rms, right shouldher shift arms. March.' A harsh, metallic
voice in the distance: 'Gin-rals, leftnant Gin'rals, officers, sooz-
officers, an' men--.' 'Tis th' boy's father. Th' boy pulls out his soord
an' says he: 'Come on, let's fight. Play away there band. Blow fife and
banners wave. Lave me at thim. Come on, come on!' an' he rushes out an'
makes a stab at an Austhreech regimint that's come up to be dhrilled.
Thin he undherstands 'twas all a dhream with him an' he raysumes his ol'
job. In th' next act he dies."
"That's a good act," said Mr. Hennessy.
"'Tis fine. In Austhree where this happened whin a man dies ivrybody
comes in to see him. Ye meet a frind on th' sthreet an' he says: 'Come
on over an see Harrigan jump off.' So whin th' la-ad is r-ready f'r to
go out ivry body gathers in his room. 'Tis a fash'nable ivint, like th'
Horse Show.


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