"If you only knew!" she cried. "It seems to me, as I realize what sort of
woman I am, that I am almost worthy of _you_!" And she blazed a look
at me that left me rooted there, astounded.
But I went down the avenue with a light heart. "Just like a woman," I was
saying to myself cheerfully, "not to know her own mind."
A few blocks, and I stopped and laughed outright--at Langdon's treachery,
at my own credulity. "What an ass I've been making of myself!" said I to
myself. And I could see myself as I really had been during those months
of social struggling--an ass, braying and gamboling in a lion's skin--to
impress the ladies!
"But not wholly to no purpose," I reflected, again all in a glow at thought
of Anita.
XIX
A WINDFALL FROM "GENTLEMAN JOE"
I went to my rooms, purposing to go straight to bed, and get a good sleep.
I did make a start toward undressing; then I realized that I should only
lie awake with my brain wearing me out, spinning crazy thoughts and schemes
hour after hour--for my imagination rarely lets it do any effective
thinking after the lights are out and the limitations of material things
are wiped away by the darkness. I put on a dressing-gown and seated myself
to smoke and to read.
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