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Milne, A. A. (Alan Alexander), 1882-1956

"First Plays"

" ... "'Sir,' went on Mr. Wurzel-Flummery"--Oh, poor Robert!
CRAWSHAW (sitting down sulkily). You seem quite certain that I
shall take the money.
RICHARD. I am quite certain.
CRAWSHAW. Would you take it?
RICHARD (hesitating). Well--I wonder.
CRAWSHAW. After all, as William Shakespeare says, "What's in a
name?"
RICHARD. I can tell you something else that Shakespeare--_William_
Shakespeare--said. (Dramatically rising) Who steals my purse with
fifty thousand in it--steals trash. (In his natural voice) Trash,
Robert: (Dramatically again) But he who filches from me my good
name of Crawshaw (lightly) and substitutes the rotten one of Wurzel--
CRAWSHAW (annoyed). As a matter of fact, Wurzel-Flummery is a very
good old name. I seem to remember some--ah--Hampshire Wurzel-Flummeries.
It is a very laudable spirit on the part of a dying man to wish to--
ah--perpetuate these old English names. It all seems to me quite
natural and straightforward. If I take this money I shall have
nothing to be ashamed of.
RICHARD. I see. ... Look here, may I ask you a few questions? I
should like to know just how you feel about the whole business?
CRAWSHAW (complacently folding his hands). Go ahead.
RICHARD. Suppose a stranger came up in the street to you and said,
"My poor man, here's five pounds for you," what would you do? Tell
him to go to the devil, I suppose, wouldn't you?
CRAWSHAW (humorously).


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