For a length of time I
was myself equally blind, and the moment I ventured to fear the
dangers of the attachment she was beginning to form. I took the
resolution of tearing myself altogether from her society, and without
the delay of an hour, I returned to Silsea.
"But what a scene did I select to reconcile me to the loss of the
cheerful society I had abandoned! My deserted home seemed haunted by
the shadows of the past, and tenanted only by remembrances of former
affliction. In my hour of loneliness and sorrow, I had no kind friend
to whom to turn for consolation; and for the first time the sterile
and gloomy waste over which my future path of life was appointed,
filled me with emotions of terror and regret. My very existence
appeared blighted through the treachery of others; and all those holy
ties which enrich the evening of our days with treasures far clearer
than awaited us even into the morning of youth, appeared withheld
from me, and me only. Helen, it was then, in that moment of
disappointment and bitterness, that the remembrance of thy
loveliness, and the suspicion of thine affection conspired to from
that fatal passion which has been the bane of thy happiness, and the
origin of my guilt.
"Avoiding as I scrupulously did the range of apartments inhabited by
the unfortunate Lady Greville, several years had passed since I had
beheld her; and sometimes when I had been bewildered in the reveries
of my own desolate heart, began to doubt her very existence.
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