"Helen, from that moment I have not known one happy hour, and the
first punishment dealt upon my sin was an incapability to enjoy that
affection for which I have forfeited all claim to mercy, here and
hereafter. The remembrance of Theresa, not in her present state of
self-abstraction, but captivating as when she first received my vows
before God, to 'love and honour her, in sickness and in health,'
haunted me through every scene of domestic endearment, and pursued me
even to the hearth whose household deities I had blasphemed. I
trembled when I heard my Helen addressed as Lady Greville, when I saw
her usurping the rights, and occupying the place of one, who now
appeared a nameless 'link between the living and the dead.' I could
not gaze upon the woman whose affections had been so partially, so
disinterestedly bestowed upon me, and whose existence I had in return
polluted by a pretended marriage.--I could not behold of my boy, the
descendant of two of the noblest houses in Britain, yet upon whom the
stain of illegitimacy might hereafter rest, without feelings of self-
accusation which filled the cup of life with the waters of
bitterness. Alas! its very springs were poisoned--and Helen, however
strong, however just thine indignation against thy betrayer, believe,
oh! believe that even in this life I have endured no trifling
measure of punishment for my deep offences against thee and thine!
"But such is the frailty of human nature that it was upon these very
victims I suffered the effects of my remorse and mental agony to all.
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