As for the journal I keep, it is--as what is not?--a matter of
mingled good and bad influences and results. I am so much alone
that I find this pouring out of my thoughts and feelings a certain
satisfaction; but unfortunately one's book is only a recipient, and
not a commentary, and I miss the sifting, examining, scrutinizing,
discussing intercourse that compels one to the analysis of one's
own ideas and sentiments, and makes the society of any one with
whom one communicates unreservedly so much more profitable, as well
as pleasurable, than this everlasting self-communion. I miss my
wholesome bitters, my daily dose of contradiction; and you need not
be jealous of my book, for it is a miserable _pis aller_ for our
interminable talks.
I had a visit from J---- F---- the other day, and she stayed an
hour, talking very pleasantly, and a little after your fashion; for
she propounded the influence of matter over mind and the
impossibility of preserving a sound and vigorous spirit in a weak
and suffering body. I am blessed with such robust health that my
moral shortcomings, however anxious I may be to refer them to
side-ache, toothache, or any other ache, I am afraid deserve small
mercy on the score of physical infirmity; but she, poor thing, I am
sorry to say, suffers much and often from ill health, and
complained, with evident experience, of the difficulty of
preserving a cheerful spirit and an even temper in the dreary
atmosphere of a sick-room.
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