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Gilbert, W. S. (William Schwenck), Sir, 1836-1911

"Bab Ballads and Savoy Songs"

D.--
Oh, beware of his anger provoking!
Better not pull his hair--don't stick pins in his chair;
He don't understand practical joking.
If the jests that you crack have an orthodox smack,
You may get a bland smile from these sages;
But should it, by chance, be imported from France,
Half-a-crown is stopped out of your wages!
It's a general rule,
Though your zeal it may quench,
If the Family Fool
Makes a joke that's _too_ French,
Half-a-crown is stopped out of his wages!
Though your head it may rack with a bilious attack,
And your senses with toothache you're losing,
Don't be mopy and flat--they don't fine you for that,
If you're properly quaint and amusing!
Though your wife ran away with a soldier that day,
And took with her your trifle of money;
Bless your heart, they don't mind--they're exceedingly kind--
They don't blame you--as long as you're funny!
It's a comfort to feel
If your partner should flit,
Though _you_ suffer a deal,
_They_ don't mind it a bit--
They don't blame you--so long as you're funny!


THE PHILOSOPHIC PILL.


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