On the train, going back to New York, she admitted
to herself that the repulsive little general had held
strictly to the terms of the bargain--'' but only a devil
and one with not a single gentlemanly instinct would
insist on such a bargain.'' It took away much of the
shame, and all of the sting, of despising herself to feel
that she was looking still lower when she turned to
despising him.
To edge out the little general she began to think of
her mother, but as she passed in review what her mother
had said and how she had said it she saw that for all
the protests and arguings her mother was more than
resigned to her departure. Mildred felt no bitterness;
ever since she could remember her mother had been a
shifter of responsibility. Still, to stare into the face
of so disagreeable a fact as that one had no place
on earth to go to, no one on earth to turn to, not even
one's own mother--to stare on at that grimacing ugliness
did not tend to cheerfulness. Mildred tried to
think of the future--but how could she think of something
that was nothing? She knew that she would go
on, somehow, in some direction, but by no effort of
her imagination could she picture it.
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