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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Second Thoughts of an Idle Fellow"

You seize the ear trumpets, and shout--
"How is it that I can never get an answer when I ring? Here have I
been ringing for the last half-hour. I have rung twenty times."
(This is a falsehood. You have rung only six times, and the
"half-hour" is an absurd exaggeration; but you feel the mere truth
would not be adequate to the occasion.) "I think it disgraceful,"
you continue, "and I shall complain to the Company. What is the use
of my having a telephone if I can't get any answer when I ring?
Here I pay a large sum for having this thing, and I can't get any
notice taken. I've been ringing all the morning. Why is it?"
Then you wait for the answer.
"What--what do you say? I can't hear what you say."
"I say I've been ringing here for over an hour, and I can't get any
reply," you call back. "I shall complain to the Company."
"You want what? Don't stand so near the tube. I can't hear what
you say. What number?"
"Bother the number; I say why is it I don't get an answer when I
ring?"
"Eight hundred and what?"
You can't argue any more, after that. The machine would give way
under the language you want to make use of. Half of what you feel
would probably cause an explosion at some point where the wire was
weak.


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