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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"Second Thoughts of an Idle Fellow"

That means four and ninepence farthing
wasted every time I smoke. I pay my cook two hundred a year. I
don't enjoy my dinner as much as when it cost me four shillings,
including a quarter flask of Chianti. What is the difference,
personally, to me whether I drive to my office in a carriage and
pair, or in an omnibus? I often do ride in a bus: it saves
trouble. It is absurd wasting time looking for one's coachman, when
the conductor of an omnibus that passes one's door is hailing one a
few yards off. Before I could afford even buses--when I used to
walk every morning to the office from Hammersmith--I was healthier.
It irritates me to think how hard I work for no earthly benefit to
myself. My money pleases a lot of people I don't care two straws
about, and who are only my friends in the hope of making something
out of me. If I could eat a hundred-guinea dinner myself every
night, and enjoy it four hundred times as much as I used to enjoy a
five-shilling dinner, there would be some sense in it. Why do I do
it?"
I had never heard him talk like this before. In his excitement he
rose from the table, and commenced pacing the room.
"Why don't I invest my money in the two and a half per cents?" he
continued.


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