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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"Uneasy Money"

If I had
waited for the governor to let her know in the usual course of red
tape we should never have got anywhere. Also one to the nephew,
telling him about his twenty pounds. I believe in humane treatment
on these occasions. The governor would write them a legal letter
with so many "hereinbefores" in it that they would get the idea
that they had been left the whole pile. I just send a cheery line
saying "It's no good, old top. Abandon hope," and they know just
where they are. Simple and considerate.'
A glance at Bill's face moved him to further speech.
'I don't see why you should worry, Bill. How, by any stretch of
the imagination, can you make out that you are to blame for this
Boyd girl's misfortune? It looks to me as if these eccentric wills
of old Nutcombe's came in cycles, as it were. Just as he was due
for another outbreak he happened to meet you. It's a moral
certainty that if he hadn't met you he would have left all his
money to a Home for Superannuated Caddies or a Fund for Supplying
the Deserving Poor with Niblicks. Why should you blame yourself?'
'I don't blame myself. It isn't exactly that. But--but, well, what
would you feel like in my place?'
'A two-year-old.'
'Wouldn't you do anything?'
'I certainly would. By my halidom, I would! I would spend that
money with a vim and speed that would make your respected
ancestor, the Beau, look like a village miser.


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