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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"Uneasy Money"

Cumulative interest. It's a good scheme, too, but it
makes it very awkward for me. I don't want to be in the position
of keeping a monkey locked up with the idea of waiting until
somebody starts a bull market in monkeys. I consider that that
sort of thing would stain the spotless escutcheon of the Boyds. It
would be a low trick for that old-established family to play. Not
but what poor, dear Nutty would do it like a shot,' she concluded
meditatively.
Bill was impressed.
'It does make it awkward, what?'
'It makes it more than awkward, what! Take another aspect of the
situation. The night before last my precious Nutty, while ruining
his constitution with the demon rum, thought he saw a monkey that
wasn't there, and instantly resolved to lead a new and better
life. He hates walking, but he has now begun to do his five miles
a day. He loathes cold baths, but he now wallows in them. I don't
know his views on Indian clubs, but I should think that he has a
strong prejudice against them, too, but now you can't go near him
without taking a chance of being brained. Are all these good
things to stop as quickly as they began? If I know Nutty, he would
drop them exactly one minute after he heard that it was a real
monkey he saw that night. And how are we to prevent his hearing?
By a merciful miracle he was out taking his walk when the
newspaper men began to infest the place to-day, but that might not
happen another time.


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