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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"Uneasy Money"

A thrill permeated Mr Pickering's entire one
hundred and ninety-seven pounds, trickling down his spine like hot
water and coming out at the soles of his feet. He had forgotten
now that he had ever sneered at marriage. It seemed to him now
that there was nothing in life to be compared with that beatific
state, and that bachelors were mere wild asses of the desert.
Claire came and sat down on the arm of his chair. He moved
convulsively, but he stayed where he was.
'Fool!' said Subconscious Self.
Claire took hold of his hand and patted it. He quivered, but
remained.
'Ass!' hissed Subconscious Self.
Claire stopped patting his hand and began to stroke it. Mr
Pickering breathed heavily.
'Dudley, dear,' said Claire, softly, 'I've been an awful fool, and
I'm dreadful, dreadful sorry, and you're going to be the nicest,
kindest, sweetest man on earth and tell me you've forgiven me.
Aren't you?'
Mr Pickering's lips moved silently. Claire kissed the thinning
summit of his head. There was a pause.
'Where is it?' she asked.
Mr Pickering started.
'Eh?'
'Where is it? Where did you put it? The ring, silly!'
Mr Pickering became aware that Subconscious Self was addressing
him. The occasion was tense, and Subconscious Self did not mince
its words.


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