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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"Uneasy Money"


'Bill, do you see what this is in my hand?'
'Eh? What?'
'It's a pin. And I'm going to dig it right into you wherever I
think it will hurt most, unless you stop being Harold at once.
I'll tell you exactly what you've got to do, and you needn't think
you're going to do anything else. When we get to New York, I first
borrow the money from you to buy a hat, and then we walk to the
City Hall, where you go to the window marked "Marriage Licences",
and buy one. It will cost you one dollar. You will give your
correct name and age and you will hear mine. It will come as a
shock to you to know that my second name is something awful! I've
kept it concealed all my life. After we've done that we shall go
to the only church that anybody could possibly be married in. It's
on Twenty-ninth Street, just round the corner from Fifth Avenue.
It's got a fountain playing in front of it, and it's a little bit
of heaven dumped right down in the middle of New York. And after
that--well, we might start looking about for that farm we've
talked of. We can get a good farm for five million dollars, and
leave something over to be doled out--cautiously--to Nutty.
'And then all we have to do is to live happily ever after.'
Something small and soft slipped itself into his hand, just as it
had done ages and ages ago in Lady Wetherby's wood.


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